Again...

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.
I'd relax, I would limber up.
I would be sillier than
I have been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances.
I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but
I'd have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I'm one of those people who live sensibly
and sanely hour after hour, day after day.
Oh, I've had my moments,
And if I had it to do over again,
I'd have more of them.
In fact, I'd try to have nothing else.
Just moments, one after another,
instead of living so many years ahead of each day.
I've been one of those people who never goes anywhere
without a thermometer, a hot water bottle,
a raincoatand a parachute.
If I had to do it again,
I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had my life to live over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances.
I would ride more merry-go-rounds.
I would pick more daisies.

Nadine Stair,85 years old =============================================================

It is said that this poem was written by Nadine Stair at the age of 85. Looking back on her life, she came to realize that the times she enjoyed the most were spent in the simplest ways. And so she wrote what she would do if she had her life to live over. It opened my eyes. It's so easy to get caught up in the rush of everyday life in the race for position and possessions that we quickly forget what really makes us content.

Missed Connections

Heard this song on car radio yesterday... Been humming ever since.

Sabse peeche hum khade - Silk Route O.S.T.- Let's Enjoy

Zara nazar utha ke deeeekho
Baitthe hain hum yahin
bekhabar mujhse kyun ho
Itne bure bhi hum nahi ....

zamane ki baaton mein uljho na
Hai yeh aasan jan-na
khud se jo agar tum poochho
Hai hum tumhare key nahin

Teri aankhon ka jaadu
poori duniya pe hai
duniya ki is bheed mein
sabse peechhe hum khade

Mehfilain aayi aur gayi
log aaye or gaye
tum jo aaj aaye ho
dil mein ho bas gaye

Muskura ke baat taalo na
miloge fir jo tum kahin
dekhna yahi kahoge
itne bure they hum nahin

Teri aankhon ka jaadu
poori duniya pe hai
duniya ki is bheed mein
sabse peechhe hum khade

===================================================================

One of the more interesting web pages that I have come across in recent times, is Craig’s List (http://www.craigslist.org/). While there are links to New York, Penn and LA, the default page that opens is the Frisco Bay Area. Apart from being a regular regional site for listings, personals etc, the section that caught my fancy is the one called Missed Connections.

Missed Connections… is all about chance sightings in trains, bars and hotels, with a delayed reaction; some writings read on random blogs and comments thereon. Only faces, with no names, names with no faces.

For instance:

Walmart check out lane, 10 years ago
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reply to: Date: 2005-12-18, 10:52PM PST

I still rememver you had a rose tinted eye-glasses with a mole on your beautiful left knee cap. If you read this please please hit me let me know it's you.

Its crazy, but at time the posts are quite something... and so are the responses. I guess that's because the best things in life are circumstantial.

Indian of the Year

Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got.

~Janis Joplin.

Since I am reasonably free these days, I happen to watch a lot of TV. And since I know that this is not going to last for too long, I avoid shows that can be habit forming. So, the best option is new channels. The lastest thing to catch my attention is Indian of the Year award from NDTV, being plastered all over the place. The line-up of the nominees is as follows:

1. Rahul Dravid
2. Sania Mirza
3. Amitabh Bachchan
4. Aishwarya Rai
5. Sonia Gandhi
6. Manmohan Singh
7. L K Advani
8. Nitish Kumar
9. Narayana Murthy
10. S. Manjunath
11. Aruna Roy
12. Laxmi Mittal
13. Sachin Tendulkar

The advert also goes on to state that my SMS can make a difference and urges me to vote. Intrestingly, it adds that I can vote for more than one person. Since I am eligible to vote and I am told that I can makes a difference, I can afford to publish my views on the line-up. So here goes...

First, I must admit that I am rather disappointed with the assortment of stars on display. Choosing the Indian of the year from a population of over a billion is no piece of cake. I am sure conjuring the line-up itself would have been a tall ask.

I think that the best way to approach this is to wonder what has been the theme of the year. To me, and hopefully to millions like me, 2005 has been a year of hope. It has been a year when the Sensex has breached 9000 points when everyone had all but given up all hopes on it. It has been a year when Lalu has been defeated in Bihar, when Mr. Karthikeyan has raced alongside the greatest F1 drivers ever. It has been a year in which India's GDP has grown at close to 7.00% and inflation has been at record lows. Twenty-somethings sitting in what used to be buffalo sheds in Gurgaon are advising their hedge fund clients in New Hampshire, how to hedge their CDS portfolios on i-Traxx. Purchasing power has appreciated like fucks and I have bought a mammoth flatscreen TV for my parents on impulse. It has been a year in which India has stood up against the US and EU in trade negotiations and come out of the battle unblemished. It is the year in which honourable Members of Parliament have been caught on tape taking bribes and have for all practical purposes written their political obituaries. A year in which battles have been won, and the hopes of winning the war cemented.The job is not done yet, but the balance is tilting in the favour of a brave new world. Yes, it has been a year of hope.

The second criteria that I think is important while deciding upon the Indian of the year, is the difference that they have and can make to our lives. This is a difficult one to translate into words, and the only reference that I can provide to my reader is something I read long back in Michael Crichton's best book- Rising Sun. I have not seen the more widely distributed movie so I don't know if this monologue appears therein. It tries to explain why the US is falling behind Japan (and in the context of the late 80s and the early 90s I guess that would be quite pertinent). It says something to the effect that the reason why America is falling apart is because the most desired profession there is the legal profession. Lawyers in the US are highly paid, and even most US presidents have been educated to be lawyers. However, law is not a productive profession- it does not add any value to an economy. Law at best serves to maintain the climate for economic prosperity and is not prosperity by its own.The only people who make money out of the law are lawyers. So when you have so many lawyers, it is only natural that it promotes a social and economic situation which borders on the fringes of law. So you have employees suing organisations, investors suing issuers, drive in buyers in McDonald's not just crying over split coffee, and worst of all, spouses suing each other. Even though a Google search for the (brilliant!) entire text has failed, I hope I have made my point.

And last, one parameter that I think is important is that the person's most significant achievements should have occured in Year 2005. One doesn't decide to hand an Oscar to Kattie Hepburn in 2006 for the best actress just because there's no deserving candidate around. There is no accrual in life, no carry forward. To get my vote, you have to be alive and kicking and ready to rock and roll!!!

It is in this context that I sit down to evaluate the line-up.

Rahul Dravid- As much as I admire India's new performing captain, I do not believe that cricket serves much purpose in the running of the country and much less building hope. In that respect movies about cricket like Iqbal and Lagaan go much farther. Cricket is entertainment at its best, and it unites the country, blah blah... but it is not technically a generator of wealth for me or my countrymen at large.

Sania Mirza- I had written off this little lady a few months back, but then whew... she has proved to be a real surprise deal. Apart from her obvious skills on court, her off-court conduct itself is very impressive. However, the same reasons apply as do to Dravid, but in her case, I think she is a much greater teen icon, who deserves (and is getting) her place in the sun.

Amitabh Bachchan- I just realized that I didn't even know how to spell his last name, so you obviously know what's coming. AB's resurgence from near bankruptcy like our friend the Phoenix, is phenomenal. I am not a fan but I still am impressed by his acute business sense, perseverance and courage. However, I think that was last year's story. This year its just been a repeat performance. Hence, sorry Sir, you don't have my vote. Hats off, anyway.

Aishwarya Rai- I noticed that there are 13 nominees. I think Aish was the odd one in the baker's dozen. Why, why??? Just because she's pretty? Why don't we nominate Anjali Gupta instead, or even Barkha Dutt herself?

Sonia Gandhi- No way! And since this is a volatile subject, I am not offering my reasons. Please note the use of the plural. But trust me I have very strong views on this matter.

Manmohan Singh- He has made a difference this year. And he is also our best hope going forward. But whether this is the guy that I would place my bets on- not really.

LK Advani- What for? What for?

Narayan Murthy- Now this is the man that I would vote for as the Indian of Decade or some such thing. To say that he is the Indian of year is a bit of a step down for him.

S. Manjunath- First, I salute the man and his courage.I have been to a B-School and I know how difficult that career decision is. Even more, I realize that even if that choice of career was made on the last hour of the last day fo the placemenat season, I am still consider his decision to make the most of his position- and make a difference to it, is really great. When people make such choices under duress, most spend their time looking to switch jobs. However, I cannot cast my vote for him, since as I said this is a year of hope, and all said at done, at present I am saddened by the destiny of Mr. Manjunath.

Aruna Roy- Now that would be a good choice. She stands for hope and development, and fights for that one thing which can make a huge difference to where this country is at 2020- Accountability is Public Service. But like Mr. Bachchan, but of course in many different ways, Ms. Roy has been awarded and rewarded and recognised previously.

Laxmi Mittal- I won't even waste a line here...

Sachin Tendulkar- I don't even know why he has made it to the list of nominees. I have been a bit of a fan over the years, but this has been the most forgettable one in his illustruous career. So what if he came back from injury to score his 35th century- when Kapil Dev took his record breaking wicket, didn't we all heave a sigh of relief

Nitish Kumar- My Man for the Year. Arguably the best Railway minister we ever had- and IR being the largest employer in the world and the largest carrier of freight and human traffic is the most important element of India's development. But that's not why he gets my vote. By upstaging Lalu and wife, this gentleman has executed a coup of sorts. I have nothing personal against Lalu, but look at how India's most naturally endowed state has languished under his regime. Lalu is not responsible for bringing it to that state, but he most definately is responsible for keeping it that way. Bihar has been the grey spot of the India Shining story. Nitish's coming to power was almost crafty and which makes me hopeful of his surviuval in Bihar politics. And his track record with the Railways is a promise of things of come. may be he won't be able to undo/ redo everything in one term. May be he might. He is educated, he has a vision which is modern (something that is very important- I am told that Pol Pot was a visionary too), he's a man of action and not known to take shit from anyone. I am a numbers guy and Mr. Kumar is the one man who has (apart from other things) got the complex cowbelt caste equation right. This is a vote for hope, a vote for a new begining. best of Luck Mr. Nitish Kumar- and please don't let it go to your head.

And now for some harsh reality. My desk neighbour has just handed me a copy of Mike Gayle's Turning Thirty. And he insists that I read it over the weekend. In any case I am going to be in Goa for the weekend and nothing I do there is anything that is expected of a responsible 29-year old!

A Learning Experience

Recently, I was asked by a sufficiently senior colleague to lecture at a local business school on the following subject:

• Interest rate swaps for corporates
• Valuation of bonds

The colleague just sent me a mail and asked me to do the needful. For a few minutes I ruminerated on the subjects and shared a few laughs with a couple of colleagues and forgot about it. Then there were some reminders, first from the school and then from the colleague whose seniority ensured that I spent the afternoon of my birthday, in front of a classful of students.

I had been given a slot of 3 hours on a Saturday afternoon. The Monday after that the class was to take an exam, which I didn't know till the end of the class was just internal. This obviously made me slightly concerned. Numerous attempts, after the commitment had been made, to elicit the details of the syllabi were fruitless. I dragged myself into office on a Saturday morning- which by itself is an achievement, and put together a few slides.

I arrived at the school- a short walk from my office, with a disk onto which had been lasered a couple of presentations, a few cheat sheets and a few Excel calculators. I considered the effort on my part superhuman. I searched for the lady who had been coordinating and found her to be a naturally eager student. She took me to the class and I found that there were two half asleep girls. They were sent out to bring the others in and when a quorum of close to 15 had been collected, the class began.

It was the first time I had lectured and I was apprehensive to start with, but once I had swathed myself in chalk dust, I found the going to be relatively easy. The class was a usual mix. The eager nerds, who asked clever (but completely irrelevant) questions and noted down everything you said; the regular back-benchers trying to look intelligent but disinterested (legs sprawled wide with fuck-off written on their faces); intelligent looking women (high Mach types), chin up, and nodding selectively; front bench Romeo with his sweetheart, shoulders drooping, heads tilted towareds each other, and scribbling into each others' notebooks... nothing out of place, it would seem.

But what took me by surprise was the complete lack of interest that the insitutute's authorities seemed to have in the running of the show. There seemed no apparent curriculum which covered derivatives, or even fixed income valuation- which I consider absolute musts in a masters course in finance. Further, I was given the liberty to ramble, with only my personal reputation at stake, with the freedom to cover whatever I felt comfortable with. Needless to say, I had no role whatsoever, in framing questions for the test. What they will be quizzed on in the exam is anybody's guess. Probably repeat questions from the year before's test. Most of the students had books on their desks which seemed from another century, and obviously no faculty ever asked me what I had spoken about. When asked about other fin electives, it seemed that they were being taken by persons who were visiting "faculty" like me- with the entire curriculum being left to their convenience. In fact, I recollected that some of those names as being people who have nothing to do with finance (IT head of a asset management company), and much less to do with academics.

I almost felt bad for this bunch, knowing fully well what they were up against in the real world. A few months hence, they would find them selves out on the streets, looking for a job- many with expensive student loans to service, and running helter skelter, fed up and frustrated. I know for a fact that many of my friends, clients etc spend their Sundays taching at these places, with varying levels of commitment, talent and expertise. Even as they sat through the class, they seemed worried about Monday's exam on "Wholistic Approach to Management", which I can only assume would have been taught by someone like me- probably highly stoned.

There must be over a hundred such schools in Bombay alone. I am told a few hundred in Delhi and surrounding places. Even after the recent IIPM episode, I don't think either parents or students are very discerning about the quality of education they receive at such places as long as the looming unemployment is postponed by another couple of years. However, at some point such things catch up and many deserving people find themselves in positions which are at best pitiable. And that makes me wild- because that one should pity a fellow human being- that thought is evil. An education system, which has made all the difference in my life, should drown someone else's dreams so conclusively is really sad.

The problem I feel is that people in India are not demanding enough. In all spheres of life, we need to stand up demand the bang for our buck. And why not! We pay the taxes and get terrible roads, we pay for state funded healthcare, but have to go to expensive nursing homes, we pay our taxes and yet choke to death in our cars which get flooded during the rains. We the people need to stand up and say - Hey!!!

Ego Surfing

It is time to hit the ego expressway and make myself feel good... In line with the latest fad, I ran the following search on Google:

(Since this blog is essentially anonymous, wherever T.O. appears it refers to my real name)

"T.O has..."

... has had the good fortune of performing at many major music festivals in India
(The audience however was not as fortunate)

... has been with ICICI Venture since 2002 and has over 13 years of industry experience including in the area of Investment Banking and entrepreneurship
(They wish...)

... has not posted any reviews
(Since they were too brutal to be published)

... has secured Diploma in Drawing & Painting from LS Raheja School of Arts,Mumbai. His acrylic on canvases are based on the subject of women
(His models are most often found scantily clad in bars and nightclubs)

... has been exposed to various stages of product development and has acquired diverse skill-sets
(Diverse skills... ahem!)

... has already organised the past 2 DungeonFests in Leeds
(Wonder what that entails...)

... has surfaced from "the pond"
(... and now is wet and clinging)

... has married some girl from Silchar medical college
(Poor girl)

... has now set his sight on The 2008 Beijing Olympics
(His specialization- Archery, is also quite apt)

... has worked for over 20 years with Reserve Bank of India in a variety ofpositions and specializes in international trading, investment and banking
(... given a chance, it would be interesting, but only for about 20 months)

... has had indira
(and didn't enjoy the experience quite as much as she did)

... has to work too
(Well, well...)

The next search wasn't as interesting, but quite true...

Your search - "T.O. needs..." - did not match any documents.

“The No-no Gamous”

Fight and you'll never survive..... Run and you'll never escape.

At this point of time my social life sucks- 24 x 7. On World AIDS Day, I was given the red ribbon by my colleague, who believes that I need to exercise caution in my wanton ways. I noticed that he wasn’t wearing one, and upon enquiry informed that since he was monogamous he didn’t need one. I thought for about a nano-second, contemplated my current state of deprivation and said- “In that case I don’t need one either- I am No-no gamous.”

So much for things that aren’t going too well at the moment. Now for something that never fails to make me smile- any day, any time… Movies. I decided to sit and rate the movies on the IMDB top 250 list- of course only the ones I have seen. There are others too which do not appear on the IMDB list, but I am a bit lethargic. Not too many oldies appear- unless they’re really, really good, as I tend to feel out of context. Neither does sci-fi in a significant way- so the Star Wars series is absent. Then there are obvious biases- the LOTR trilogy is top of charts. Ditto for some mainland European films. The books I have liked often don’t translate into a strong rating for the celluloid version. And then these are not necessarily good films, but films I have liked, and remember in a certain way. And then there are associations that are based on purely personal experiences, which others would obviously not be privy to. According to me, anything above 7 is a can see. Anything above 8.5 is a must. So enjoy…

And this weekend, I intend to watch Decalogue, so all other plans have been suspended.

The Godfather – 9 For the style, storyline and a generation gone by- they don’t make movies like this any more.
The Shawshank Redemption – 9.5 The best inspirational movie ever, with the exception of…
The Godfather: Part II –8 Definitely the best sequel, again with the exception of…
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King – 9 Straight As to the entire series. Sheer bias
Schindler's List – 7 Always been curious about the Holocaust.
Casablanca – 7 A lifetime’s supply of catchy lines
Pulp Fiction – 9 The question isn’t how much, but how many times can one see this movie.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest – 9.5 Few movies ever managed to improve upon the book.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring – 9
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers – 9
Citizen Kane – 7.5
Lawrence of Arabia – 7 Not a big fan of epics
The Silence of the Lambs – 7.5 Not necessarily the best in the trilogy
Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Le – 9 Production quality, direction, concept- has it all
American Beauty – 7
The Matrix – 9 What if???
Fight Club – 8 Most amazing monologues
Apocalypse Now – 8
To Kill a Mockingbird – 8 The book’s better, but then it doesn’t have Gregory Peck
Taxi Driver – 7
Se7en – 7
Million Dollar Baby - 7
The Bridge on the River Kwai – 5 A bit impish for a movie of its repute.
Alien - 6
Raging Bull – 7
Reservoir Dogs – 8.5 Direction, direction…
Vita è bella, La - 9.5 My all time favourite film. No dearth of reasons to love it.
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 – 8.5 Bloody, shocking and fucking solid Tarantino
On the Waterfront – 7.5
L’ Apartment – 8.5 “I am not the woman who can hurt you”
Jaws - 6.5
Braveheart - 6
Kill Bill: Vol. 2 - 7
Rebecca – 7.5
Forrest Gump – 8 Music, story, motivation
High Noon – 8.5 My first real time film
Nuovo cinema Paradiso – 9.5
Annie Hall – 7.5 “I always fell for the wrong women, that is my problem. Even as a kid, when my mother took me to watch Snowhite- everyone loved Snowhite, I immediately fell in love with the wicked queen.”
Terminator 2: Judgment Day – 7.5
Notorious - 7
The Sixth Sense - 7
Cool Hand Luke – 7.5
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - 8.5
It Happened One Night - 8
The Graduate - 6
Before Sunrise – 9 Every youngster's dream. One couple's destiny
Before Sunset – 9.5 The best sequel ever. Definitely.
Ben-Hur - 7
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade - 6
Lola rennt – 9 20 mins, 100k DM to save a few lives- Can she do it?
Gladiator - 8
Die Hard - 7
Gone with the Wind - 6.5
Gandhi – 8
Roman Holiday - 8.5
Trainspotting (1996) - 7
Sideways – 5.5 Over hyped- weak characterization
The Exorcist - 6
All the President's Men – 8 Amazing performances, shocking story
The Terminator – 6
Snatch- 7.5
Almost Famous – 8
Trois couleurs: Rouge – 9 Story, cinematography, concept- beautiful
Lost in Translation – 6.5
Rain Man - 6
Scarface - 7
Bonnie and Clyde – 7
The Motorcycle Diaries- 9 Get inspired!

Leonard Shelby: I don't even know how long she's been gone. It's like I've woken up in bed and she's not here... because she's gone to the bathroom or something. But somehow, I know she's never gonna come back to bed. If I could just... reach over and touch... her side of the bed, I would know that it was cold, but I can't. I know I can't have her back... but I don't want to wake up in the morning, thinking she's still here. I lie here not knowing... how long I've been alone. So how... how can I heal? How am I supposed to heal if I can't... feel time?

-Memento